Traveling Back To La

I had a plan for what I was going to write about in my next post, but I’m going to save that topic for another time. Today I want to write a short, sweet entry about my recent emotions after traveling back to LA from a nice visit in Cincy where I’m from. This topic seemed more fitting :)

Recently I’ve been getting a littlee anxiety before traveling. Which is weird for me. Traveling and exploring typically lights my soul up and I’ve never been one who’s afraid of flying. But this past trip, a butterfly flock of nerves came in and it left my heart kind of… pounding? When I moved across the country to live in Arizona for a year (2019) my heart was pounding with EXCITEMENT and ANTICIPATION, not nerves. Oh the possibilities ahead of me!! And when I moved out to LA (2020) I was also internally like ”Hallelujah!” So why the nervous anxiety all of the sudden?

I mean truthfully, I think I already know the answer. The past few years I’ve experienced a lot of up’s and down’s, all oddly happening at the beginning of the year when I come back from Cincinnati. I think my body is like expecting to be in fight or flight mode? It also doesn’t help that I knew I had to go straight from the airport right to work. I purposefully left my car in my workplace garage and when I arrived, I dropped my bags in the car, went to the bathroom, changed in a matter of 9 minutes (the woman in the bathroom giving me a weird look), and ran up to the office to get settled for the day. Chaos. Lol. (Totally self inflicted).

Aside from all of that, it may also be the juxtaposition of my warm, loving house in Cincinnati vs the chaotic, hustle-oriented, sometimes unforgiving city of LA. Going from one extreme to the other takes a couple weeks of adjustment. The pace change between the two cities is astounding.

Maybe this year my body is craving less chaos. Maybe what I’m looking for IS that comfort. IS that stable peace of mind. The past few years have been a lot and it’s really hard to keep going at that pace. *Wiping sweat beads off of face while trying to get to work on time*

I do really love LA. This anxiety before flying back could leave you to believe that I don’t. But I do. Even with all its trials and tribulations I enjoy what I’m able to learn here, all the people I get to meet, and all the cool things I get to do. Someone once told me it takes at least 3 years to get settled into LA. So I guess I’m right on track!

Overall, I think we can say that the anxiety came from the scariness of jetting into the unknown, trying do the most, and leaving my cozy house&family. Doing all these new things- it’s uncomfortable! My house in Cincinnati is the safest place I know. But as much as I would love to be there with my family, I know I have to be here in LA. It's where I'm going to learn, grow, and accomplish what I want to. (Fighting through the pain while doing so- pain is gain baby!)

If you leave this post with anything, know anxiety is normal. Know trying new things is good. But also know it's OKAY to balance it with some comfort as well. I know that's what I'm going to try focus on this year haha.

At the airport. Please don’t mind my dirty shoes.

In the lobby.